When I tell people Rhys is going to be in daycare when I'm back to work, a common response is "It'll be tough, you'll shed a few tears, but he'll eventually really like it". "Shed a few tears?", I'd wonder, "Why, because I'll miss him? ". That seemed unlikely (the tears part). I mean, he was coming back. It's not like he's gone forever. He's just at daycare.
But yesterday proved them right.
To start off the day, Rhys had had a terrible night on Sunday night. Up every hour or so. Screaming. Miserable. He was a bit groggy in the morning, but still cheerful. The drop-off went well. It was rainy and grey outside, so I knew it would be a long day for him indoors.
I missed him, but it was something else, too. I felt kind of lost. No direction. No focus. On edge. I'd get teary, wondering how he was doing.
Then came time to pick him up. Warren was home so he came with me. "You know, with our luck, the first day you come with me to get him will be the day he's crying his head off" I joked, and we both laughed uncomfortably.
We walked through the doors, and....well. We both recognized that cry. He was standing by a table, crying, with dark circles under his red, tired eyes. My heart cracked into a thousand pieces. A caregiver swooped him up and consoled him, then looked at us, "He just started crying a second ago". It cracked into a thousand more pieces because I knew I'd never know if she was being truthful. Then Aida came to me. "Oh boy," she said. "He only napped today for thirty minutes. He had a good morning, but the afternoon, not good". I had never seen him that tired. His eyes were red from him rubbing them. He just looked beaten.
So we rushed him home so he could nap and get the rest he desperately needed. But instead, he screamed and screamed and we rocked him and cradled him but nothing worked. He slept for 10 minutes, that's it. We played with him but he was seriously going to collapse. So we bathed him and he was in bed by 5:20p. His night was slightly better than Sunday, but still rough. Up at 8:30p, 10:30p, 3a, and 6a. Screaming. Exhausted. That evening and night I cried and cried and cried and hated myself for ruining his life and breaking him. He seemed broken.
Morning came and he was happy. His eyes were crusty from a restless sleep, but he was happy. Off to daycare. Happy. We thought positive thoughts and prayed for a better nap today.
I had coffee with a friend, did some grocery shopping and when I came home Warren was home too. "I'm going crazy here! When can we go get him?". At 2:30p we drove down, preparing for the worst. Walked in, no crying. Good sign. Went around the corner and entered his room. He was sitting on Aida's lap, eyes red and sore and tired. My heart sank. He smiled when he saw us.
"Oh!", Aida said, "We just had a fight...I was washing his eyes, he doesn't like that...his eyes been dripping all day." Turns out, the goop we noticed in his eyes this morning was a sign of something more sinister. So she suggested we get some eye drops for him, but still bring him in tomorrow because he did really well today and she doesn't want to break the momentum. Also might be one of the reasons he's been sleeping poorly at home and rubbing his eyes so much.
My son, Rhys, slept for 1 hour and 30 minutes at daycare today. THANK YOU JESUS.
4 comments:
Oh manda panda. I can imagine these days feel so disjointed. When I read your blog my heart phsically ached because I imagined Easton going through the same thing. But know this, Rhys will adapt and it will be the best thing for him. There will be days when you will cry because he wants to stay and not come home. It's a no win situation having kids! Hang in there. I'm so glad you are sharing your stories. I don't know what I would do without you!
Can't wait to see you next week. Can't wait to see Rhys-y-pie. Give him a big kiss for me and Easton. Goopy eyes and all!
Yay! Rhys is a Rock Star!!! Good to hear he had a better day. And you, too! There are more of these ups and downs to come, but with each one it will get easier. Hang in there!
As I read this, my heart just breaks because I am dreading having to send Katelyn to daycare. I've actually been considering giving up my teaching career just so I can stay home with her.
As hard as it might be, it sounds like you've found a wonderful place for Rhys to be at - when you mention Aida, I keep picturing Mrs. Doubtfire :-)
JYL - try not to let my stories scare you! Every child is different. And, I'm hoping it's short term pain for long term gain...It's only day 4 (I keep having to remind myself of this!).
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