Not Awful. ( changed title)

I have been a Negative Nelly lately.

At a dinner party the other night I was asked "So, how is it now that Rhys is home full time?". "Awful", I replied. Everyone laughed and I proclaimed myself The World's Most Honest Mom. Everyone laughed some more.

But deep down, I regretted that answer instantly. 'Awful' was simply the wrong word. It's not awful at all. I mean - from a purely selfish perspective, it's just really, really, REALLY hard. And frustrating. And often overwhelming. And exhausting. But, the truth is... (and this is VERY hard for a mom who chose to go back to work to admit)...the truth is, Rhys is THRIVING lately. He's happier at home than he used to be. He laughs and smiles more. He's not tired and worn down at the end of the day. His imagination is exploding. He's playing with more of his toys and watching less TV. His linguistic skills are improving everyday with new words, longer sentences and better pronunciation. It's been really wonderful to watch. A far cry from 'awful'. But, it's not easy engaging with him and remaining patient with him while I'm nursing or burping or rocking a baby to sleep at any given moment in the day. And it's easy to focus on the negative.

Last night, as I nursed Kyle at 4:00am, I started to feel incredibly guilty that he would not be getting a full year with me like this, when he's a toddler. And sad that I won't get a year like this with him.

The good days aren't without their bad moments. And the bad days aren't without their good moments, either. The secret is knowing which moments to focus on, I guess.

Keeping It Real, Post #2

THE VON'S INCIDENT

The first day or two of a vacation, especially with Rhys, is spent 'settling in' and 'getting our barrings'. And the most important part of settling in, is getting food. So here we are, halfway through our first full day in Manhattan Beach, and all we've really done is go to to 2 grocery stores.

I give myself an 'F' grade on yesterday's trip to get breakfast items, because what was the one thing we forgot to buy? Coffee.

So our first task of the morning was go get a coffee. Luckily we chose this vacation rental for it's fabulous location, and we are a 10 minute walk along the beach to Starbucks. Iced Americano Misto please!

We continue on to Von's (like Safeway) which is another 2 minutes up the street. We needed lunch stuff, some dinner stuff and other odds & ends.

Cue Meltdown of Epic Proportions. Warren is traumatized by this meltdown. In fact, I think he said 'let's never speak of this again'. As I rushed around the store to get everything on our list, Warren was roaming aimlessly around the Von's parking lot with a thrashing, screaming, crying toddler, as hipsters enjoying their morning coffees in a street side cafe watched.

All I could think was 'better here than on the plane'.

Now, Rhys and Warren are napping, and I'm blogging on a chaise lounge by the window, listening to the birds.

After nap time...BEACH and 85 degrees Fahrenheit!

Keeping It Real, Post #1

THE 'PIZZA' INCIDENT

I know I painted a pretty picture of our travel day yesterday. It was a great travel day, for sure, especially considering we're travelling with a nearly two year-old. The plane ride was great. Rhys only had one melt-down when we first got to our seats. We couldn't figure out why he was freaking out so badly, until we realized he didn't want to sit on our laps, and instead wanted to sit wedged between us, where the arm rest would go (this was before we knew for certain we had the the row to ourselves). Once we decoded the tantrum, the rest of the flight was a breeze.

But I'm a fan of keeping it real on my blog. The day did not end has perfectly as it had started.

We arrived at our vacation rental, which is a 2200 sq ft 4 level split condo, steps from the beach and the ocean. We were thrilled to find a nice open main floor for Rhys to run around in, and more space than we needed everywhere else. We were on the 'we've made it!' high. Then I eventually looked at my watch and realized it was nearly 6:30pm local time, meaning it was 7:30pm our time. Back home Rhys would be in bed. But we hadn't even eaten dinner yet, and all Rhys had in his tummy was fish crackers and fruit jube jube snacks.

Warren did a quick google search for pizzerias and grocery stores. First he found a 'local family owned deli & market' with a pizza place a block from it. Perfect! That sounds charming! So off we went. The grocery store was easy to find, but turns out 'family owned market' is another term for 'moderately over priced convenience store'. But, it did the trick. We got breakfast items and beer (they sell beer EVERYWHERE in the US!). After loading the stroller, and our arms, with heavy plastic grocery bags, we continued on to find the pizzeria. Google didn't let us down. There it was, a block away. Fantastic! We order a large Hawaiian.

Then, the meltdown. 'Out! Out'! OOOOOpeeeeeen!" Rhys whined and screamed to get out of his stroller, but we were on a steep sidewalk by a busy road, with people everywhere. So I took Rhys down to the pier to distract him. Meltdown continued, the sun started to set, and a cool breeze started to come off the ocean. My arms were sore from the grocery bags hanging off them. And no sign of Warren or pizza. Then a mom and dad with two kids in these little push-car toys came whizzing by, their children squealing with delight in their toy cars, and Rhys lost it even more. 'Car! Car! Caaaaaaaaar!' Cry, cry, thrash, thrash, whine, scream. Cold wind picking up. Couples on dates starring. And no Warren or pizza.

It had been almost half an hour now. We were quoted 15 minutes. I started to panic. Did Warren misunderstand me, and think I was taking Rhys back to the condo? Maybe he's there already? But I have the key! God, could he be that STUPID? To not even CHECK the pier to see if we're there? He doesn't have a cell phone, either!

I was filling with rage. I could feel the heat rising off my face. So I pushed that heavy stroller up that steep sidewalk back to the pizzeria. And by God if Warren wasn't still in there I was going to LOSE MY MIND. I storm up to the door in a fury, only to see Warren sitting inside. He looks up to see me, and raises his hands and holds up two fingers.

Being a woman is complicated. You would think my rage would melt away, knowing my husband DIDN'T go back to the condo without us. But no, my rage simply transferred to the fact that our pizza still wasn't ready, and this was somehow Warren's fault.

Finally Warren comes out with a big pizza box. I calm down. We walk back to the condo. We open the pizza box that reads 'Best Pizza in Los Angeles!'. To see the most pathetic pizza I have ever seen in my life. Limp, thin crust, with hardly any toppings. It was the kind of pizza you fold up and eat like a taco.

All we could do was laugh and say 'Wow, Americans have terrible taste in pizza'.

The silver lining on this terrible quest for a quick & easy dinner, is that as I changed Rhys into his PJ's at 8:30pm local time (9:30pm our time), he pointed to his pack n play and whispered 'bed...bed...bed'. "You want to go to bed?", "Yeah". And he was out for the night.