5 on Friday: October 31st, 2008

1. Tomorrow is November 1st? Really? Less than 2 months until Christmas? REALLY? Someone please tell me where October went....

2. Here's a photo of my brother James as an Astronaut, and my sister Kayley as a Ninja:


3. Here's a photo of my brother Adam as a half-assed ridiculous Eeyore...his costume is made up of a 2-year old's costume from Walmart that he cut on the sides and put on his head. I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard! Oh Adam....


4. Sadly I forgot my camera this morning, so the only photos I have of my Amy Winehouse impersonation are photos I took at my dads, at the end of the day when my eye makeup had worn off. If anyone at work got some good ones I'll post more next week. I walked around all day with a smoke in my mouth, my red bra strap hanging out (classy!) and a bottle of rum in my hand. Fun!

5. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have 3 hours of brushing the back-combing out of my hair ahead of me...wish me luck.

6 On Satruday: October 25th, 2008

I had one of those 'holy crap, is it Friday already?' moments, so I appologize for the late post.

1. I've had one of those weeks that brings me to the brink of sanity. You'd think that by now I could do my job with my eyes closed, but the nature of this business seems to be a road block for that to happen. In the midst of my many miny meltdowns I found out one of my bosses has had to put her beloved dog down, and then I read THIS. It put things in perspective for me for sure.



2. Because I struggled this week to overcome the stress I was under, I want to ask: What do you do to relieve stress and 'centre' yourself? These are the types of things I do:

• Lean on my husband more than usual.


• Actually create an evening schedule for myself, that includes some sort of exercise and relaxing time.


• For me, relaxing time usually means watching TV.


• Drink tea.


• Put on super comfy PJs.


• Make lists.
  

I look forward to hearing what others do!

3. Before the 'global economic crisis' Warren was trying to convince me that we should get 2 new laptops for ourselves. He had his eye on a Macbook. With so much uncertainty in the air, we of course, like everyone, are searching for ways to scale back our consumer driven lives. So, my uber resourceful husband lugged out his old, dicrepid laptop, cleared it off, defragged, and with a lot of futzing around was able to get it up & running. Thanks to his efforts, this blog post is being broadcast live via wireless internet from this Sir Angus Pub (aka our basement). Thanks Hon!

4. I have become obsessed with the 'Dog Whisperer - Ceasar Millan' show. We finally have our second dog training session tomorrow (it's actually more like a 'human' training session...), but since I've been watching so much Dog Whisperer, I feel like we don't need more training!

5. Today I was at Chapters and when I walked in I was handed a 10% off coupon for any purchase over $35. Perfect, the book I wanted to buy was $34.95. Got up to the till, and SORRY. 5 cents short. No discount for you!

6. Just got a call from Warren -he needs me to bring him some open house signs. Gotta go!

Dubya

We seem to be in a ridiculous mood this evening. Must have been the Basa.

Married To A Fish

I was cooking dinner tonight, Basa with cheesy rice and salad, and this was the ridiculous conversation that ensued:

Warren: Mmmm, Basa. We should definitely try and eat more fish.

Amanda: I love Fish! Love, love, LOVE...fish.

Warren: Well why don't you marry it?

Amanda: Hmph. Maybe I will. I'll become a bigomist or a polygamist or...is there even a word for someone who has more than one husband?

Warren: I think there should be a word for someone who's married to a fish!

5 On Friday: October 17th, 2008

Every once in a while I feel like I want to take a 'pass' on my 5 on Friday post, but then I think about how disappointed I'd be if someone else did the same. So, I'll push on...

1. Our fears and dreads were never realised, and we successfully hosted 14 people for Thanksgiving dinner. Our plans to fail miserably so that we were never asked again were foiled when everyone sat down and said "This is fabulous! I vote Amanda and Warren do this again next year!". Maybe this gave us the confidence to attempt hosting Ukrainian Christmas this January - anyone out there interested in a perogy making party?

2. Last weekend I found two Bay Gift Certificates that were gifts from our wedding 2 years ago. Two certificates for $100 each. Being in the mood for some retail therapy, Warren & I headed to the mall with $100 bucks each to spend on whatever we want.

We met up 45 minutes later. I returned empty handed, and Warren showed up with a little bag. I expected him to pick up some work shirts or new jeans, neither of which would fit into such a little bag. He proudly pulled out his purchase.

It was a kit called the 'DNA Ancestry Project'. The kit contained everything he needed to collect a DNA sample to be sent to the 'Genebase' laboratory. Once received, this laboratory will analyze his DNA and he'll be able to log on to their website and track his Paternal ancestry results, as well as become a part of the DNA Ancestry project.

I hope we discover that he is a descendant of Kings - because I look damn good in a tiara, and I've been practicing the lines 'Off with his head!' and 'Let them eat cake!'.

3. The drape lady came by this week, and my dear husband was a trooper. 1 hour and 15 minutes worth of looking at fabric samples, holding them up against the window and saying things like 'Yes, that one really picks up the yellow...', and 'I hate the sheen, but I love the pattern!'.

My favorite moment was when the drape lady called Warren a Metrosexual and then admitted she had only heard that word for the first time the week previous and was delighted that she was able to use it in conversation.

4. Dissapointments of the week (in no particular order): Our couches still haven't arrived, the dog trainer never showed up on Saturday, our Pub light that fell & broke will be $160 dollars to replace and will take 6-8 weeks to arrive, the real estate market is slowing, and I only earned 6 points in the Survivor: Gabon Office Pool (yes, I still watch Survivor).

5. For any of you who guessed that I got my braces a week early last week - you were right! They are truly invisible. Not a single person has noticed them, without me pointing them out first.

I Tried

I promise I did. I tried.

But Blogger crashed on me.

I'll try again later, with a fresh wave of patience, to post photos from our trip to the Kootenays.

For now, sit back and enjoy my new blog header...

5 On Friday: October 10th, 2008

1) Look at these babes. Thank God they're cute. It makes up for the majority of the time when they're complete jackasses.




2) The other night I was reading 'from here through maternity', you know, for fun, (yup - I sure know how to party!) and I laughed at some of the things the writers of this book felt needed to be included. Like this important tidbit of advice..."Do not bite or chew on your baby's finger nails". Thank goodness it mentioned that to new mothers, because surely that would be irresistible had they not been warned of the risk of infection!

3) I have Monday off, and Warren doesn't, so my plan is to catch up on some blogging (post more photos from our Europe trip BACK IN APRIL as well as our Kooteney Park Lodge trip), THEN I want to go shop for a nice long cozy sweater and some leggings...mmmm....YES.

4) For Halloween I am dressing up as Amy Winehouse (everyone in our department at work is dressing as a 'rock star'). These photos will be my inspiration. Unfortunately I won't be able to develop the anorexic skeletal physique in time, but I think I will have a tank top made that says 'I'm not goin' to rehab...no, no, no...".




5) Here's a photo Warren took of me today. Notice anything....different?

A Letter From My Uterus

Dear 'Management',

Look, Lady.

We don't know who it is you think you are, but prancing around writing non-sensical letters to an imaginary union working inside your uterus is an indication of borderline dementia, wouldn't ya say?

Let's just imagine for a moment that we were willing to go along with this ridiculous notion, we would certainly point out the less-than-ideal working conditions in here. It's pitch black for God's Sake. You try doing your job when you can't see your computer screen or the numbers on the phone - never mind locating & accommodating a microscopic mass of cells.

We'd also certainly point out the lack of gratitude you have demonstrated for the years of dedicated service we've provided to this point. Until recently, Project Baby Bump had been strictly prohibited, and myself and my fellow workers have delivered exceptional results. Then suddenly you decide on a whim that no, Project BB is a good idea, and you expect that we switch gears on a dime. This is unrealistic and naive on your part.

However, we do want to pass on our heartfelt sympathies for the failure and subsequent losses that were experienced in June. We understand that such painful times would cause you to play the blame game and crack the whip. The reality is, however, that there is no union inside your uterus. There is no one to blame.

We hope that by writing that letter you were merely trying to express your anxiety in a satirical way, for your own journaling purposes. If this is not the case, then we suggest you seek help. NOW.

Cheers,
The non-existant union inside your uterus

5 On Friday: October 3, 2008

1) Warren & I are carrying a big dresser from the basement, up the stairs, through the hallway, to the spare room. The dresser is quite large and cumbersome to carry. I'm struggling, and all Warren can see of me is the top of my head bobbing up and down at the other end of the dresser and I fumble to get a better grip (we're holding it from the bottom). I stretch my neck up so I can see him over the top of the dresser. He starts laughing. 'You look like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic in the end scene when he's drowning!' Then he proceeds to mimic me, causing me to laugh and almost drop the dresser on myself. The places his mind goes never cease to amaze me.

2) No one has noticed that I stopped wearing my nose ring.

3) Braces update: I'm 2 weeks away from getting my invisilign braces, and I just found out I get free bleaching when it's all done, and, the process will likely take less than a year. Hola!

4) We've been asked (told) to host Thanksgiving at our house. We still have no living room furniture and no window coverings. This will be fun!We're secretly hoping that it's such a disaster that we're never asked again :-) Are we bad people?

5) This spot brought to you by 'Awkward Moments on Calgary Transit'.

I have many pet peeves about taking the bus to work. This week there have been some gems.

Pet Peeve #1: Rude Bus Drivers

Most people who ride Calgary Transit know that bus drivers are only supposed to pick people up at designated stops. It's a safety issue more than anything. But, that doesn't stop tardy commuters from chasing down a bus and waving for the driver to stop and pick them up between stops. This morning the bus driver stopped for a young girl, probably a student, and then proceeded to lecture her in a very stern 'angry parent' voice and say things like 'don't let this happen again!'. My pet peeve here is that, if he's going to break his own rules to let her on, DON'T publicly scorn her for it. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO BROKE THE RULE. All she did was ask you to.

Pet Peeve #2: Loud Talkers (who also happen to be morons)

I was sitting by a window, and a guy and a girl were standing in the isle a few steps behind me, talking very loudly so everyone on the bus could hear their conversation. There were 2 pregnant women sitting in close proximity to me. The conversation went something like this:

Girl: Did you know so-and-so is back from mat leave tomorrow? I hear she's already pregnant again! She's like, already showing, so she'll be back for like, 2 months or something!

Guy: That's so brutal! Why do they hire people like that? You know, people who, like, you know, get pregnant every 3 months or whatever? That's crap. Is she the old one?

Girl: Uhh...well, no. She's like, 35.

Guy: Ya, that's old! When I'm 30 you can call me old too.

Pet Peeve #3: Awful Parents Who Publicly Parent Awfully.

Behind me I hear a 'thud' as the person behind me drops something. I hear a little girl's voice say 'uh-oh'.

Woman: What? What did you do? What did you drop?

Little girl: My wallet...

Woman: Where? Where did it go?

Then she pops out from behind me and reaches under my seat to retrieve the dropped wallet.

Woman: Take this, stupid child! Put it in your bag!