A Letter From My Uterus

Dear 'Management',

Look, Lady.

We don't know who it is you think you are, but prancing around writing non-sensical letters to an imaginary union working inside your uterus is an indication of borderline dementia, wouldn't ya say?

Let's just imagine for a moment that we were willing to go along with this ridiculous notion, we would certainly point out the less-than-ideal working conditions in here. It's pitch black for God's Sake. You try doing your job when you can't see your computer screen or the numbers on the phone - never mind locating & accommodating a microscopic mass of cells.

We'd also certainly point out the lack of gratitude you have demonstrated for the years of dedicated service we've provided to this point. Until recently, Project Baby Bump had been strictly prohibited, and myself and my fellow workers have delivered exceptional results. Then suddenly you decide on a whim that no, Project BB is a good idea, and you expect that we switch gears on a dime. This is unrealistic and naive on your part.

However, we do want to pass on our heartfelt sympathies for the failure and subsequent losses that were experienced in June. We understand that such painful times would cause you to play the blame game and crack the whip. The reality is, however, that there is no union inside your uterus. There is no one to blame.

We hope that by writing that letter you were merely trying to express your anxiety in a satirical way, for your own journaling purposes. If this is not the case, then we suggest you seek help. NOW.

Cheers,
The non-existant union inside your uterus

A Letter To My Uterus

Dear Members of the UWU (Uterus Workers Union),

Management is concerned with the F08 results from last quarter. We realise that, by default, being members of a 'union' implies that you're not always concerned with 'results'. But this has got to change.

In Q4 we saw great gains in the months of April, May and early June, as we embarked on exciting new projects, namely, baby-making. Our successes were short lived however, and we saw the project go off the rails in late June. This did not please our shareholders. In fact, it took a great deal of negotiating to convince them to remain invested and confident in the future prospects of the aforementioned baby-making project (code name: BB for Baby Bump).

Members of the Board have also voiced concern, and are putting forward recommendations that they believe will aid future attempts at Project BB.

These recommendations include, but are not limited to:


1. No drinking on the job.


2. No slacking, office chit-chat or long coffee breaks, especially between days 11 and 25 of a regular shift.


3. Further to that, it is recommended that all holidays be taken while Senior Vice President Flo is in town.


4. Be on guard at all times. Stand at attention. Be ready. You want to be prepared for what might be coming down those tubes.


5. Make the uterine lining appealing to any arriving guests. Burn some incense, light some candles, spin some Leonard Cohen vinyl.


6. Should we be so fortunate as to have a guest stay for a while, it is crucial that all workers rally together to ensure our fragile friend(s) is(are) comfortable and satisfied with their accommodations.


7. Further to this, it is paramount that all workers tend to any needs, medical or otherwise, that may come up during their stay.



Management is excited for the future of the UWU and the BB Project, and we hope you all share in this excitement.



Valued members, we thank you for your attention to these matters. We wish you all a successful and prosperous future in the UWU.


Sincerely,
Management

Timeline To A Broken Heart

Two weeks ago Warren & I were so looking forward to today. Today was going to be the day of our very first ultrasound, where we would see our little Paris Baby for the first time. We'd see a little heart pounding away, and we'd squeeze each other's hand and burst inside with joy. I would dream about telling everyone at work, and I couldn't wait to announce it on this Blog. I can't count how many times I created our 'expecting a baby' ticker, just so that I could look at the happy little cartoon baby smiling happily at the 8/9/10/11 weeks mark. We were so close to 12 weeks, and I just wanted it to be here.

Then Sunday came, June 22nd, and I started bleeding.

This was followed by a trip to emergency, 2 days of rest, positive encouragement from friends & family, an ultrasound, an OB appointment, blood tests, and, ultimately, the devastating news that Paris Baby had stopped growing around the 7 week mark. That moment will stick with me forever.

This news was followed by the most devastating and hurt-filled days of our lives, including painful & exhausting phone calls to our parents.

Since then, my days have been filled with so many experiences that I never ever expected I would have to deal with.

I honestly just don't have the energy to describe these experiences right now, probably because they are still so raw, and probably because I know they are not necessarily over. Maybe it will turn out that I never want to talk about them on my blog. Time will tell.

There is one, very, very painful thing I am mulling over in my mind though, that involves this blog.

During my pregnancy, like any normal pregnant blogger, I was writing posts about my experience of being pregnant for the first time. I wrote about the moment when we found out we were pregnant. I wrote letters to the tiny baby inside me. I described the moments when we told our families and friends. I wrote about my fears and feelings at the time. All of these experiences and posts hold such an important place in my heart, but at the same time they magnify the deep hole that has been left behind.

When I first asked Warren what he thought I should do with the posts, his first reaction was that I should delete them. But I can't do that. I explained to him that this was our first pregnancy. That all those experiences and feelings that came with a first pregnancy will never be replicated. Ever. That experience was real, and just because we didn't end up with a baby doesn't mean we should erase them.

Because even now, I look back at what amazing moments we had - all of them - even the ones I didn't post about. Like the time we went stroller shopping and Warren was asking all the questions and doing the test-drives because he was the one who had done all the stroller research. Or the time we were in the kitchen and Warren was washing dishes while I read baby-raising articles out loud from the kitchen table, and we would discuss them afterwards and talk about how helpful they were and how we couldn't wait to put some of the ideas into practice. Or the time I was downstairs watching 'Silence of the Lambs' and Warren came down and said 'Hey, do you think you should be doing that? You might be scaring the baby'.

So, for me, the only options are a) keep them as drafts, or b) post them.

I'm leaning towards option b, however I worry that it will come across as extremely morbid and creepy. But I feel like I'd be doing our lost baby a disservice by ignoring the short-term happiness and closeness it brought us. Because we truly loved this baby.