Dear Members of the UWU (Uterus Workers Union),
Management is concerned with the F08 results from last quarter. We realise that, by default, being members of a 'union' implies that you're not always concerned with 'results'. But this has got to change.
In Q4 we saw great gains in the months of April, May and early June, as we embarked on exciting new projects, namely, baby-making. Our successes were short lived however, and we saw the project go off the rails in late June. This did not please our shareholders. In fact, it took a great deal of negotiating to convince them to remain invested and confident in the future prospects of the aforementioned baby-making project (code name: BB for Baby Bump).
Members of the Board have also voiced concern, and are putting forward recommendations that they believe will aid future attempts at Project BB.
These recommendations include, but are not limited to:
1. No drinking on the job.
2. No slacking, office chit-chat or long coffee breaks, especially between days 11 and 25 of a regular shift.
3. Further to that, it is recommended that all holidays be taken while Senior Vice President Flo is in town.
4. Be on guard at all times. Stand at attention. Be ready. You want to be prepared for what might be coming down those tubes.
5. Make the uterine lining appealing to any arriving guests. Burn some incense, light some candles, spin some Leonard Cohen vinyl.
6. Should we be so fortunate as to have a guest stay for a while, it is crucial that all workers rally together to ensure our fragile friend(s) is(are) comfortable and satisfied with their accommodations.
7. Further to this, it is paramount that all workers tend to any needs, medical or otherwise, that may come up during their stay.
Management is excited for the future of the UWU and the BB Project, and we hope you all share in this excitement.
Valued members, we thank you for your attention to these matters. We wish you all a successful and prosperous future in the UWU.
Sincerely,
Management
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
A Letter To My Uterus
Posted by Amanda at 8:12 PM
Labels: Coping with Grief, Letters
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2 comments:
This is AWESOME and HILARIOUS!! In fact, I think it should be published somewhere...and available for moms-to-be. You should print a copy and take it to your OB/GYN's office!!
I agree, it is very, very funny. Clearly the UWU took your pep-talk to heart, and are busy doing their jobs diligently. (What a great way to use humour for healing!)
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