Oldies, But Goodies

I was reading through my old Xanga Blog 'Sweet Manda Panda' and decided to post a couple of my favorite entries from those early days of my blogging addiction.

Some of you may remember them.

The Five People You Meet In Heaven

This story tells us that when we die we go to our own personal Heaven, where five people are waiting in line for us.

These five people affected our lives profoundly, whether we knew it or not, and they died before we did. Once we hear all their stories, we will understand the meaning of our lives.

So, when I finished the book I naturally started to wonder...who will be the five people I meet in Heaven?

But then, it occurred to me. There is a much more important question I should ask myself...

Who's Heaven will I be in?


Unique Conformity

I used to look around at my fellow Calgary Transit users, and I would take special notice of the ones with earphones connected permanently to their head, and I would secretly judge them. "They must be introverted, antisocial misfits", I would think. They must be. Everyday, the same thing. Sitting on the bus, earphones with the cord tucked neatly in their jacket, shoulders slumped forward, foot tapping, eyes glazed over, oblivious to the elderly woman who deserved the seat more than them.

And then, this past Christmas, I opened an oddly shaped gift from Warren, to discover a glorious silver iPod nano cupped perfectly in my palm. And I understood.

This tiny little gadget was going to save me. Save me from the sounds of roaring bus engines, obnoxious cell phone conversations, overweight men breathing heavily beside me, and bitter bus drivers hollering "Move to the back!".

But the weeks following Christmas creeped me out. There seemed to be a large increase in iPod users on my bus route. It seemed that every 3rd or 4th person to get on the bus had earphones and an iPod . I felt dirty. I felt like a total conformist, with no unique qualities. Just following the trends. Just trying to fit in. I felt like a poser, a try-hard, a fake. Like I was trying to be cooler than I was. And I thought everyone around me could tell. I'm sure they all had 'cool' music on their iPod...Justin Timberlake or Fray or Nelly Furtado or something so cool I didn't even know what it was called.

And there I was, miss wanna-be, playing Leonard Cohen tunes on my iPod. Suddenly, I didn't feel so dirty.

5 On Friday: August 22, 2008

1) Warren starts his mini-holiday this weekend and he really, really wants to go to the zoo on Saturday. So when I got an email newsletter announcing an Estate Sale (we love estate sales, because they always have awesome 'pub' type things for sale) on Saturday morning I sent him an email and our conversation progressed like this:

Amanda (with newsletter attached to email): Perhaps we could hit this sale before heading to the zoo? It starts at 9am Saturday morning. Pretty Please!

Warren: As long as I can buy you a Starbucks before we go!

Amanda: Hmmm. That's a big compromise. Oh, alright. You win!

Warren: Score!

See, the Real Estate business has made him a killer-negotiator.

2) Got a hair cut this week - just a regular 'clean-up' where I get a bit off the length, the bangs trimmed and the layers freshened. It didn't turn out well.

First of all, the hairdresser convinced me to get the 'conditioning treatment'. Essentially he rubbed something into my damp hair and massaged my scalp for 5 minutes, then added $25 to the bill.

Secondly, he bastardized my bangs. I can't even describe what they looked like. It was horrifying. Bangs are an art form, and he FAILED.

Then, when I asked for a round brush blow-dry, he insisted I get the rollers because 'that's my style'. So he proceeded to roll my damp hair into WAY TOO MANY TOO TIGHT rollers, and sit me under one of those hair drying machines you see in the movies. This added 20 minutes to my hair appointment.

Predictably, when he took out the rollers my hair puffed up into a giant nest of curls and I had a flash back to the Shirley Temple Perm I had when I was a tween.

After paying $80 for this atrocity, I headed straight to Shoppers Drug Mart and bought some barber scissors so that I could 'fix' my bangs at home. Grrrr....

3) I'm a member of a Facebook group, started by a disgruntled friend of mine. It's the UPS SUCKS group. The moral of the story is to never ship anything with this awful company and to always check what shipping company online retailers use before ordering.

I didn't do my due diligence, and sadly I just found out that the book I made of my blog entries is being shipped by UPS. This is not going to end well. Last time UPS tried shipping something to me, I received a postcard in the mail from them, telling me my parcel was being redirected to the sender, because they didn't have my correct mailing address. Does anyone else see the problem with that situation?

4) Exercise Update: Not going so well. Up one pound. BUT, I've discovered a delicious granola bar that has chocolate chips & chocolate drizzle & 5g of Fibre & tastes yummy and is only 2 WW points, compared to the 3pts my 'old' favorites were. I'll celebrate my victories where I can.

5) House Update: We've hired a painter to do our main floor. And, even before he begins, this 'reno' is snowballing. We now plan to gut the kitchen and bathrooms. Oh, and build an entire new office space in the basement. HA! And did I mention our Pub isn't even completely finished yet? Double HA! HA!

5 On Friday: August 15th, 2008

1. Monday morning I get on the bus, and head straight to my favorite seat - the very back of the bus, by the window. The bus is pretty empty, so I could have sat anywhere. When I get to the back I go to sit down, and, as if placed there just for me upon the blue transit cushion, was a Toonie and a Loonie. 3 bucks, just sitting there. The guy at the other window had his headphones on and was completely oblivious.

I picked up the coins and sat down, looking around to see if anyone was watching me. I thought maybe I was on candid camera, and this was a test to see what I would do with the money. What is the right thing to do? I wasn't about to turn it in to the bus driver, that's for sure. So I placed the coins on the ledge of the window. Not sure why. Then, as the bus picked up more & more people and the bus got fuller and fuller, I picked up the coins and tossed them in my bag. No alarms went off, no crazy TV Show Host ran onto the bus to call me out.

So, on Monday, Lady Luck treated me to a Free Latte (well, almost free - it actually cost $3.20...but it was nice of her just the same).

2. One thing I have on my New Year's Resolution List every year, is to follow through with the nice gestures/thoughts that I have. It's something that drives me nuts about myself. I will come up with really thoughtful, nice gestures to do for someone, and then time passes, and I never do it. An example would be when I saw a CD called 'Song of the Sirens' in Starbucks, which totally made me think of my friend Becca, and I thought of buying it for her paired with a nice SB gift cert, and mailing it to her out of the blue, for no reason. But then I never did it.

So anyways, my point is that this week I actually followed through with a nice gesture. I remembered how much I appreciated it when guests to our wedding mailed us the photos they took. Since Warren took so many gorgeous photos at my cousin's wedding with his new camera, I decided I wanted to mail her the really great ones - including a wicked-awesome photo of their little girl that I hope she'll love. So, I put them on a CD, went to Blacks, ordered 150 prints, bought little photo albums, and made an album for her, my Grandma and my Dad (with photos of James & Kayley). Then mailed them off. The albums will be nice little surprises for all of them.

3. We went to see The Dark Knight for a second time this week - this time in the IMAX Theatre. It was hilarious, because it's been a while since I've seen a movie at IMAX, and they still play that 'laser show' intro - the one that shows off the speakers and the screen size and plays the ridiculous music with crazy laser beams from the 80s shooting everywhere. Awesome. Better yet, we both agreed that the movie is even BETTER the second time. The first time is amazing, but because the film feels like it's going to end about 2 or 3 times, is felt long in parts. But, the second time around, we knew it wasn't ending and we knew about all the great bits still to come, so it just ROCKED. I love this movie. Disturbing - but awesome. Heath Ledger blows it out of the water.

4. I'm **hoping** our house will begin a transformation this month. We're getting a painter in to give us a quote on the entire upstairs & back stairway. This will be a huge job, because there is wallpaper that needs to come down, and we want all the wooden trim & doors painted white. Hopefully when it's all complete, with new carpet, our house will feel less dated and be brighter and more cheerful. That would be nice.

5. This week I had the horrifying experience of tasting the culinary craziness that is TUBBY DOG. It was all in honor of a co-worker/good friend who is sadly leaving Shaw to pursue the vast wealth & perks that can only be found in the Oil & Gas Industry. I ordered the 'Ukey', which was one of the tamer choices - Ukrainian sausage (although the box it came it had to have holes cut out on each end, so the long tips of the sausage could stick out...) with simple toppings - ketchup, mustard and relish. It was still so sloppy and big I needed a knife & fork to eat it.

Some of the other, more 'colorful' options on the menu were (keep in mind these are all HOT DOGS):

The SUMO: topped with Japanese Mayo, Wasabi, Pickled Ginger and lightly seasoned sesame seeds. (Supposedly this one was good, but made your nostrils burn).

The PBJ: topped with Peanut Butter, Jelly & Captain Crunch (someone ordered this and I almost HURLED looking at it).

The GRIPPER: the hot dog is wrapped in Bacon and then Deep Fried, topped with Ham, Chili, Cheese, Mustard, Bacon, Hot Peppers, Onions and a Fried Egg. (These were absurd, and barely resembled a Hot Dog - the fried egg on top was ludicrous. I was getting my mad First Aid Skills ready, because I was sure the poor souls eating them were about to go into cardiac arrest).

Top 10 Things Not To Write In Your Facebook Status

I read a news article that listed the top 10 things not to type in your Facebook status.

Some of them were funny, but thought we could do better.

So, here's my first shot.

1. is...pinching a loaf / squirting out a Wet Bisette.

2. is...home alone with the doors unlocked and my address is 123 Rob Me Blind Street.

3. is...playing Dungeons & Dragons tonight, anyone in?

4. is. (LAME - been done to death)

5. is...picking a scab and dropped 'the crust'.

6. is...at work / at home. (BORING!!!)

And, the always entertaining first person/third person identity crisis status...

7. John Doe likes my new iPhone, OR even better... John Doe is likes my new iPhone.

8. Jane Doe I HATE THE WEATHER.

Or the blatant ignoring of their name in the status...

9. Jane Doe Who likes my new profile pic?

And the super awkward 'relationship TMI' status...

10. Jane Doe is filling her divorce papers today. FREEDOM!

Feel free to post your own, or add some in the comments!

5 On Friday: August 8th, 2008

1. Wednesday night I drove to the Jubilee to see Spamalot with my Dad, and I had to fill up the Mazda afterwards because I could tell the empty tank light was going to turn on at any moment. I get really stressed out when that light is on - childhood memories of driving through the desert on our way home from Vegas on nothing but FUMES and my Dad saying 'we've got LOTS of gas' - famous last words. Anyways, once that car was filled up, and I started the engine and saw that little yellow needle fly up PAST the full marker, I felt such a RUSH. Like, I could go anywhere, do anything, and that tank would last forever. I get an amazing surge of happiness with a full tank of gas. Is that odd?

2. Braces Update: Had my first 'consultation' and it was determined I'm a good candidate for the invisilign style. Hooray! Now some gross molds of my teeth are being sent to Costa Rica where they manufacture the braces themselves. Ooooh - FANCY. Costa Rica Braces. I think at my next appointment I'll get to look at pictures of other cases that were similar to mine, so that I can get an idea of how my teeth will look when it's all done. Neato!

3. The dentist office where I'm getting the braces from (yes, this could have been part of #2, but remember, this is the 'Lazy Man's' post, so I'm making this a separate point) was super modern. Nothing like my regular dentist. Each patient chair had a big TV in front of it, and the patient gets control of the remote. Plus, they offer complimentary 'spa' treatments before your dental session if you want - neck, head, shoulder & foot massages and I think they even did facials. Weird. Not sure if it's only complimentary the first time you do it, or if it's always free. Anyways, it's supposed to help patients who are afraid of the Dentist. This office also does laser treatments - like laser hair removal and micro-derm-abrasion stuff. Maybe next time I go they'll have a mini-supermarket where I can buy fish & tampons.

4. Exercise Update: I know it's super boring to read about other people's attempt at exercise, but I don't care. This is MY blog. It's been going alright. I've gotten up a couple times in the morning and biked for 15 minutes before getting ready for work (baby steps here people), and I've even done a few 35 minutes stints in the evening - which resulted in actual SWEATING. That's exciting. I'm always disappointed at the amount of calories burnt though. It really drives home how hard we have to work to burn off all the crap we eat.

5. I read today that Jamie-Lynn Spears now has her 'pre-pregnancy' body back. Gawd, why do I read this shit? Sometimes I can't help but think how lucky my friends are because they all have BOYS.

6 On Saturday

This won't be a weekly post, I'm just on a roll - AND, I'm procrastinating getting on my exercise bike. God Bless The Internet.

1. Warren is taking this whole weekend off so he can come to my cousin's wedding (BBQ tonight at Rafter Six, then the wedding tomorrow at Rafter Six). PLUS, he's taking Monday off which is a rarity. Usually I get stats off and he has to work (he's actually showing some houses in the evening, but by Realtor definitions that is still a 'day off').

2. We bought a new stills camera, because we were sick of the crappy photos our point & shoot has been taking lately. Thankfully - Kal at [i]lovelife posted some Q&A's the other day. Her Blog has incredible photos and I guess she gets a lot of people asking her what camera she uses, so she posted the name of it, and we bought it! Thanks Kal!

Here is Warren's first go with the new camera - how awesome is this photo? I think it could be a Greeting Card - something like "Feeling blue about being another year older?", or something like that. Sweet Porter.

3. I think I'm starting get 'old lady feet'. You know how old feet have bunions and corns and crooked toes? Mine are starting to go in that direction, and I need to find a way to be pro-active and prevent it from happening. Sorry, KB. I'm sure that grosses you out, but I needed six things to write about.

4. My Dad & Pamela bought me an Aimee Mann CD at Folk Fest. 3 Cheers for 'just because' gifts!

5. Next Wednesday, My Dad & I are going to see 'Spamalot' at the Jubilee. Just the two of us. It will be 3rd time I'm seeing it too; first time was at the Wynn in Vegas, second time was is in London this past April.

6. I really, really, REALLY want a nap right now. But, I'm going to force myself onto that exercise bike for at LEAST 20 minutes...

5 On Friday

5 on Friday is going to be my 'Lazy Man's 10 on Tuesday'. And no, I wasn't tagged to do this, which I think is how it usually starts. Nope, I'm bringing this on myself. I've been slacking in the blogging department and thought this might be the kick start I need. And the thing I like about it is that it requires no photos. I still have lots of posts to write about our Europe trip, but those require lots of photo uploads & figuring what order to put them in, plus referencing the travel journal, plus writing. And lately that's just too daunting of a task so I don't even start.

Since I wasn't tagged, I don't actually know the official rules of 'The Lazy Man's 10 on Tuesday'. I'm just going by what I see on Erin's Blog. From what I can tell, these are supposed to be random, whatever's happening/on my mind at the time. Free for all. No matter how miniscule or momentous - anything goes. So let's begin.

1. My eyes are freaks of nature - they just don't like contacts. I've tried the monthly 'tougher' contacts, and the daily 'moist' contacts, and both make my eyes as dry as the desert. Irritated & blood shot within a couple hours. And considering I usually wear them to 'special events', people must think I'm totally hammered or high when they look at my eyes.

2. Next week I have an orthodontist consultation. Yes, I am going to be a dreaded 'Adult With Braces'. Hopefully I'm a good candidate for the 'invisilign' braces, because they are a lot less noticeable, and more importantly, I can take them out to eat, brush & floss. I figure most people will think it's odd that I want braces, because my teeth aren't that bad. Maybe people will think I'm really vain or something. So, for the record, I don't expect straight teeth to magically turn me into a supermodel. But, I do hope they make me less self conscious when I smile and less afraid to see pictures of myself smiling. Not to mention the fact that I have a weird bite and my teeth are just plain uncomfortable in my mouth.

3. I eat out almost every day at lunch time, and it needs to stop.

4. My favorite shows on TV right now are Big Brother, So You Think You Can Dance, The Mole and Denise Richards: It's Complicated (which is a terrible show by the way, I'm just oddly drawn to Denise Richards). I am a reality show junkie. Last night I found a new one called 'The Greatest American Dog'. One of the contestants is a Boxer named Presley. Fantastic.

5. Starting today I'm going to get back on the 'exercise' bandwagon. Stay tuned for next week's "5 on Friday" to see how that turns out.