A Rant

I'm 8 weeks and 1 day today. The 2 month mark. These last couple weeks have been tough in a bunch of ways. On one hand, the 'good' news is that I've been feeling like ass. Nauseous and T-I-R-E-D. My appetite has been totally out of wack. I puked my guts out last Friday night. The spinach salads I was living on before I became pregnant don't appeal to me in the least these days, which sucks because that is the type of food the baby needs right now. As I read sentences like "babies eyes, ears and mouth are forming' and 'this time is crucial for babies brain and nerves to form' I worry that my diet is lacking the building blocks this baby needs right now. I read somewhere that the baby takes what it needs from my body, and I'm the one left short handed if anything is lacking. I hope that's true. A couple days after the puking session, I experienced the migraine from HELL. I laid in bed for an hour with an ice pack on my neck, until Warren found me crying in pain. He quickly went to Dr. Google to research ways he could help me cure my migraine 'naturally', and again he demonstrated what a lovely person he truly is. He walked into the room and said (sounding like a doctor) "Well, what's happening to you is very normal. It's probably caused by all the extra blood flowing through your body, or maybe dehydration. It's recommended you try to get more exercise". He realised quickly by the scowl on my face that none of this information was helpful to me in this moment. So he offered up some more useful information. 'I can give you a message, and I'll get the radio to play you some nice music'.

None of this relieved my migraine, but it did make me feel better, on the inside. I love you, Warren.

5 On Friday: November 21st, 2008

1. Warren & I have been together for 7 years, and that was really evident a few days ago. I was ready for bed, all decked out in my over sized sweats. My lower back was sore, so I heated up my 'bean bag' pad in the microwave and shoved the warm bean bag down the butt of my pants, with the elastic kind of holding it in place. Not once did it even occur to me to look in a mirror to witness the hideous silhouette I was creating on my body. That's true love right there, folks. Warren was in bed and lifted the covers for me to crawl in, and I crawled in backwards, going in for the 'spoon' position. Then I hear Warren whisper under his breath "oh, thank-god".

Amanda: What?

Warren:  Nothing.

Amanda: But you said 'thank god'?

Warren: Oh, I just saw your deformed lumpy butt and it freaked me out for a second. Then I realised it was your heating pad.

I wonder if this is what he imagined when he married the woman of his dreams?

2. Last night was the Best. Survivor. Vote. EVER.

3. I'm thinking of getting my engagement & wedding ring melded together on the bottom because I'm always adjusting them and straightening them. But, I'm nervous about getting it done for some reason. Has anyone else done that with theirs?

4. Does it make me lame that my idea of a great Friday night is a date with my PVR, my favorite blogs and some sliced apple with cheddar cheese?

5. All our dog training went down the tubes after our trip to Invermere. I have a very strong suspicion that Warren's dad let them on the bed while we were away. But, the dogs know the Pack Leader's are back in the house - so look out!

Changing Places

Warren & I have had interesting career paths. I went to Film school, he went to TV school. I got a job in TV, he got a job in Film. Then he changed careers and became a Realtor, while I took a TV job that enabled me to work with many of his old Film buddies. My job in TV has morphed from an Editor to a Producer. Now, Warren is the Editor.

BEHOLD. Warren's first movie:

 

5 On Friday: November 14th, 2008

1. Tomorrow morning Warren & I leave for a little getaway to Invermere. We're staying at a client's place (for free!) and dragging our friends Rob & Tiff with us. The days will be spent just enjoying the cute little mountain town, and the evenings will be spent playing Wii and Monopoly. Ahhhh....I can't wait. I need this SO BAD.

2. Our couches STILL haven't arrived. It's been 9 weeks now, when we were told it would be 4-6. And they're not even fancy couches. They're like, one or two steps up from Ikea furniture and they're made in Winnipeg. I keep having visions of them arriving, only to discover they came in the wrong fabric or the wrong style.

3. Is anyone else getting tired of all their friends on Facebook asking them to vote for their baby for the Vibe 98.5's Cutest Baby Contest?

4. My little sister turns 6 on Tuesday, and she asked for an Easy Bake Oven. I wasn't sure they still made them, so I checked out Toy R Us dot com, and turns out they DO still make them, but they look more like a toaster oven than a traditional oven. LAME! She also asked for 'some dress up clothes that don't itch'. How cute is that?

5. Question - do you ever get 'house envy'? As in, you visit a friend's house, then come home to yours and feel a bit down because it seems your house just doesn't compare or lacks luxuries that your friend's house did? Well this happened to me when I went to a friend's house warming party - her & her family just built a nice new home way in the south of Calgary. So I asked myself, honestly - if I was offered the chance would I trade homes with her? And the honest answer is no. UNLESS I could transplant her house to my current location, and transplant my Pub Basement into her basement. Then I might consider it :-)

Always The First To Know

I had another Ortho appointment on Monday, firstly to get some teeth shaved with a mini little chain-saw type tool that the dentist actually referred to as 'dangerous', and secondly to get 6 more weeks worth of invisilign trays. Aside from the dusty tooth particles flying out of my mouth from said shaving tool, the appointment was going well. Until she noticed some 'decay'. Yes, apparently one of my molars had a big, fat cavity. This was shocking since just 2 weeks earlier I'd gone for my 4 month cleaning & check-up at with my regular dentist. My regular dentist who didn't notice the giant cavity. I asked her if it was possible that the cavity had formed within the last couple of weeks. She was very doubtful and said 'but it's really bad news for your teeth if it did'. Turns out Invisilign trays can increase my chances of cavities if I don't brush my teeth after EVERY time I eat. After every latte, every snack, every mandarin orange...even at work. So I guess I have to become that anal retentive dork who brushes her teeth at work. 

The appointment was over and we were booking the appointment for the filling. 

Dr. Davids asked "Did your other dentist take xrays at your check-up? Because I'd like to check that tooth. I'm worried there could be more going on under the surface". 

So, for the second time, I had to tell my dentist I was pregnant. 

Amanda: "No, he didn't, because I'm in the early stages of pregnancy". (notice I didn't say 'I'm pregnant'.) Last time, in the summer, the dental assistant at my other dentist's office had asked 'Are there medical conditions that we should know about?". So of course I told her then, too. My mom actually had to call the receptionist later to tell her what happened.

Dr. Davids: Oh! Congrats! How far along are you?

Amanda: Just about 6 weeks.

Dr. Davids: Have you told your family yet?

Amanda: "Nope, not yet". I wanted so desperately to tell her what had happened before, and that we're being cautiously optimistic, but that we knew things could still go wrong. I felt this urge to provide a caveat to the whole thing. But of course, I didn't.

It's odd that in both cases, my dentists were among the very first people to know.

Remembrance Day, 2008

The Military Museum, Calgary, Alberta.

2008 Remembrance Day Service.

Photographer / Memory Keeper: Warren Cronin (even though his hands were very cold).

5 On Friday: November 7th, 2008

1. I've been getting flack from a few friends because ever since I started 5 on Friday, I only update on Fridays. For the avid blog reader, there is nothing more annoying than checking a blog day in / day out, only to find the same damn entry you saw the day before and the before that. Alexa, over at Flotsam, has committed to daily blogging for the month of November. I considered this for a split second, but who am I kidding. My life has very little drama, I have no kids to talk about, and I get easily frustrated with slow photo uploads. Maybe I'll make it a New Year's resolution and do it in January. We'll see.

2. Is anyone else watching the Tudors? I love this show, but thank God everyday I wasn't born back then! And, it makes me wonder, without any prenatal care and folic acid pills, how did any baby survive?

3. I don't know if it's the early Christmas displays or Christmas advertising, but I really want to put up our tree and decorations early this year. Like, the second week in November. Sadly though, we still have no living room furniture or window coverings, and my dad as yet to finish our fireplace...and a fireplace is key to a British Pub Christmas!

4. Speaking of Christmas, I'd like to do as much online shopping as possible this year, and for everything else I'd really like to go the 'boutique' districts like 4th Street, 17th & Kensington. I'm so sick of malls and I find they just suck the spirit out of the holidays.Christmas is usually a stressful time of year for me (Warren will testify to this), and I'd like to find ways to make it not so.

5. I know Halloween is over and it's lame to post photos so late, but my mom really wants to see more Amy Winehouse photos. So, #5 is a shout out to my mom. These were photos taken at the office:

Our Department Group Shot: You may notice June Carter Cash, Johnny cash, Kriss Kross, Michael Jackson, Biork in the Swan Dress, Elton John, Devo, Marilyn Manson, and beside Amy on the floor - the lovely 80's Madonna.

Here We Go Again

My car was in the shop, so Warren picked me up from work to drive me to my first doctor's appointment. This was the morning after the big American election, and sitting on the passenger's seat when I hopped in the car was a Calgary Herald with Barrack's smiling face on the front. Warren smiled shyly and said "I thought it would be nice for the baby's memory box...you know...what was going on in the world the year he/she was born". Wow. What a guy.

Clearly Warren is handling this second go around better than myself, and it couldn't have been more evident than when I sat down to talk with my doctor.

Joan: So, what's going on? (she says this as if her office assistant gave her zero indication of what the appointment was for).

Amanda: (looks shyly to ground, sits) Well, I got another positive pregnancy test.

Joan: (laughs a little) Uh huh. I hear a little hesitation in your voice...

Amanda: Well...

Joan: (interrupts)...because most women would come in and say.... (gestures to Amanda)...

Amanda: ...I'm pregnant.

Joan: Right!

It's true - this time around I have been extremely hesitant. It doesn't help that I feel almost no symptoms. Sure, I'm just over 5 weeks, but I was really hoping this time would be substantially different. But I feel empty inside, like nothing is there. And, what's worse, is I feel horrible even saying that because clearly I'm not empty inside. Logically, there are indeed the sprouts of a little human being there somewhere and what horrible disservice am I paying the first moments of this human's life by feeling nothing. It breaks my heart that the innocence and naivete that should come with these early weeks is completely absent.

Of course I'm trying really hard to be positive and think positive, and I know I couldn't do it without Warren. His hugs, his belly pats, the twinkle of excitement in his eyes.

Sweet little baby, I pray we get to meet you.

Dips and Spikes

After a hard, tiring, stressful few days at work, I woke up on Wednesday morning after the worst night sleep I'd had in a long time. Aunt Flo was due around that day, so when I popped the thermometer in my mouth that morning I wasn't surprised to see my temperature dip down dramatically. (For anyone who doesn't know...recording your temperature every morning can help you chart your most fertile days when trying for a baby).

Frack. I'm not pregnant. What a perfect way to end a perfectly crappy few days.

I suffered through another day at work, which was a bit better than the days previous. Thursday morning rolled around (after a much better sleep), and this time my temperature spiked UP dramatically. I hopped on google and quickly learned that stress and poor sleep can affect your basal body temperature. So I decided I would use the one left over pregnancy test I had right there and then. If it came up negative I new Aunt Flo would be coming that day, and if was positive, well, that would be nice.

With Warren still fast asleep I peed on the stick. 10 seconds in, two clear pink lines appeared. 

My heart fluttered and for a brief second, I was light as air. 

I placed the test strategically in front of the bathroom sink so that Warren would see it when he woke up. But by the time I was supposed to leave he still hadn't gone into the bathroom. So I snatched it up and walked up to him at the computer and said "Well Hon, it's a good thing I resisted that wine last night" and he looked up at me, "Why? I stretched out my hand with the pregnancy test and said "Because I'm pregnant again". 

I knew this time would be different, and it was. Warren kissed me and said "Well, let's keep an eye on it and see how it goes".