5 On Friday, September 26, 2008

1. My nose ring fell out recently - lost it - so I decided not to replace it, and live my life sans nose ring.

What? You didn't know I had a nose ring? My point exactly. It was so small that even people I see everyday would suddenly say 'oh - since when have you had a nose ring?' I've had it since I was 17.

So, no fan fare or ceremonial good buy to my teen angst. I'm moving on. It's odd though - I always imagined myself as an old gramma with a nose ring (so this is probably for the best).

2. You may remember that Warren & I purchased a Digital SLR camera, and I think I had mentioned that we got the idea from Kal's blog, because when so many people asked her how she took such beautiful pictures, she posted the name of the camera she uses. So we went out and bought that camera purely on the recommendation of this woman neither of us had ever met.

Last week we purchased our second 'Kal' item. The designer dog beds she's written about several times. Turns out the local pet store we shop at is one of the distributors. River & Porter LOVE their new beds. They look completely heart-meltingly adorable when they're curled up inside them, and the beds look stylish and modern in our newly transformed bedroom. Warren thought it was ridiculous to buy 'designer' dog beds, but he has since eaten his words :-)

That girl has good taste.

(you may be thinking "those don't look stylish, they look like dog beds", but trust me - compared to old stained pillows and blankets, these are stylish).

3. Warren & I are on a Ricky Gervais kick. It all began with the British Office, then Extras, and the addiction went into high-gear after our Kootenay Park Lodge trip (Oh - I still need to post about that!!) when we listened to Season #1 of the Ricky Gervais Podcast in the car. It's HILARIOUS. If you're tired of your current iPod playlist, I highly recommend downloading this gem. It's the most downloaded Podcast EVER.

Ricky Gervais is...The Podfather.

5. Ricky's new movie is out in theatres - GHOST TOWN. Hopefully I can post a review after the weekend.


4. I am so tired. I just spent 2 hours with the blinds & drapes guy, and blogging is chore right now.

5 On Friday: September 19th, 2008 *UPDATED*

1. House Before & Afters

2. I didn't complain when many of the blogs I read obsessively decided to go private. They have kids. Their posts are intended to entertain family members. I get it. Even though I read many other 'parent' blogs that aren't private, I understand everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to these things.

Yesterday I noticed Blogger added a new feature, where I can get post updates from all the blogs I read, sent directly to my Blogger Dashboard. One stop shop for all my Bloggy Goodness. Similar to the 'subscriptions' service that Xanga had. But, this feature doesn't work on protected blogs. Curses!

Just when I was learning to live with the whole 'log in' process (which is ALWAYS worth it because you're all such fabulous bloggers!), I get dealt this new annoyance. Boo. on. you. Blogger.

3. Kal over at [i]lovelife, is pregnant with her second child. I discovered her blog when Keri linked to it from her blog. I've never met Kal, and I've never commented on her blog. There is a name for people like me. I'm a 'Lurker'. So, she has no idea I exist or that I occasionally write about her on my blog. Which is totally creepy. Anyways...what she doesn't know can't hurt her...so moving on...

Kal named her first born daughter 'Pilot'. Such a unique name inspired me to read back in Kal's blog, to learn more about this artistic lady. Turns out, prior to her daughter's birth, she had made several references to the word 'Pilot'. The most obvious reference being the necklace she wore that said 'love is my pilot'. So, when she announced she is preggers with baby2, I decided I would scrutinize her posts in an attempt to locate clues to baby2's name.

Lately, she has been infatuated with the '&' symbol. Ampersand. At first, Ampersand seems like an odd name for a baby. But, upon further analysis you'll discover it's quite catching.

Andy for short if it's a boy. (ampersANDY)

Sandy for short if it's a girl. (amperSANDY)

I know. I'm a genius. I've got Mad Code Cracking Skillz.

4. Presley the Boxer won the title of "Greatest American Dog"! (This is actually old news, but I PVR'd the finale and didn't watch it until last night).

5. I woke up Thursday morning, convinced that it was Saturday.

At 6:35am I hopped out of bed to feed the dogs, feeling light as air, without an ounce of grumpiness, because I *knew* I'd be able to crawl back into bed and sleep for another couple hours.

Warren found this odd, because normally on a work day I would hold-out until he caved in and got up to feed the dogs. He also found it odd that I came back to bed, instead of staying up to get ready for work. But he didn't say anything.

Then I made a comment about how I hope the Dumpster guys don't show up too early (we have a dumpster being dropped off on Saturday morning so we can get rid of all our old carpet and other junk we want to purge). Again, Warren said nothing.

A few minutes later I started laughing and said 'Gawd I'm an idiot! I didn't need to save those leftovers last night!' Wednesday night we had gone to Open Sesame for dinner, and I had my leftovers boxed up so I could take them to work for lunch the next day. But in my 'Saturday' brain, I was convinced that had been unnecessary because I wasn't going to work today, and didn't need a boxed lunch.

"Why not?" Warren asked.

"Because I don't work today!" I blurted out.

"You're not going to work today?" he asked.

"No... it's... Saturday" I responded, slowly, as my mind raced to figure out why he would ask me that.

"Uh, no it's not. It's Thursday".

I could have cried.

Seriously, do I have Alzheimer's?

This post reveals something else about me too.

Who else, at 6:35am in the morning, is thinking about leftovers and what they're having for lunch?

I'm weird.

A Letter To My Uterus

Dear Members of the UWU (Uterus Workers Union),

Management is concerned with the F08 results from last quarter. We realise that, by default, being members of a 'union' implies that you're not always concerned with 'results'. But this has got to change.

In Q4 we saw great gains in the months of April, May and early June, as we embarked on exciting new projects, namely, baby-making. Our successes were short lived however, and we saw the project go off the rails in late June. This did not please our shareholders. In fact, it took a great deal of negotiating to convince them to remain invested and confident in the future prospects of the aforementioned baby-making project (code name: BB for Baby Bump).

Members of the Board have also voiced concern, and are putting forward recommendations that they believe will aid future attempts at Project BB.

These recommendations include, but are not limited to:


1. No drinking on the job.


2. No slacking, office chit-chat or long coffee breaks, especially between days 11 and 25 of a regular shift.


3. Further to that, it is recommended that all holidays be taken while Senior Vice President Flo is in town.


4. Be on guard at all times. Stand at attention. Be ready. You want to be prepared for what might be coming down those tubes.


5. Make the uterine lining appealing to any arriving guests. Burn some incense, light some candles, spin some Leonard Cohen vinyl.


6. Should we be so fortunate as to have a guest stay for a while, it is crucial that all workers rally together to ensure our fragile friend(s) is(are) comfortable and satisfied with their accommodations.


7. Further to this, it is paramount that all workers tend to any needs, medical or otherwise, that may come up during their stay.



Management is excited for the future of the UWU and the BB Project, and we hope you all share in this excitement.



Valued members, we thank you for your attention to these matters. We wish you all a successful and prosperous future in the UWU.


Sincerely,
Management

Picture This...

The Scene: Our house, late Sunday evening, around 9:30pm. Warren decides he's parched and wants to go get a nice cold slurpee from Seven Eleven. I ask him to grab a small one for me too.

20 minutes or so later I'm at the computer when I hear his car arrive in the driveway, the door slam shut, and the 'beep beep' telling me he's locked the car doors. I wait for the sound of the front door opening, but the sound doesn't come. Thinking he's probably searching his pockets for the key, I get up to greet him. I open the door, and he's not there.

A mild feeling of panic sets in.

"Warren?" I call out into the darkness. Nothing.

A strong feeling of panic sets in. "Warren? Are you out there?", I repeat loudly.

After my second call, I hear the quietest groan, coming from somewhere near the vehicle. "Uuuuuuuuugh...uuuuuugh...".

I sprint into action down the front steps to the other side of the driveway, decked out in my cowboy flannel pajamas & slippers.

In the darkness, I find my husband, laying in the fetal position on the pavement, groaning in pain. He has crushed slurpee cups clamped against his chest, and his jacket is soaked from Lime & Cola slushee. A puddle of slurpee is forming in front of him, like a sugary pool of blood.

I realize what has happened. He had decided to go through the back door instead, and on his way, under the dark night sky, he tripped on the drain pipe that he has tripped on countless times before. I bite my tongue - as this is not the time to lecture my ailing husband about the benefits of 'watching your step' - and I bend down beside him, asking him where he's hurt, is he okay, and help him to his feet. I pick up the slurpee cups in the hope that I can salvage some for him.

Once inside, I ask what happened, and he tells me "Well, you didn't tell me I had my slippers on, so I went to 7-Eleven in my slippers, and then my slippers got caught on the drain pipe". I laughed at his attempt to blame me for his clumsiness, but again bit my tongue. His knee was hurting and his knuckles were bloody. This was not the time to lecture him.

Feeling sorry for him, I salvaged what I could of his slurpee by pouring the remnants into a glass and handed it to him. He took it from me and turned to go downstairs and lick his wounds.

He turned away, and just then 'Splash!' followed by him hanging his head "Aaaawww" he groaned under his breath.

He had stepped right into the dogs' water bowl.

This is the part where I fell to the ground in absolute hysterics.

5 On Friday: September 12, 2008

1. This was my first week attempting to bring my lunch to work & cut down on lattes. The hope is that if I keep it up, my wallet & waistline will benefit.

This week I brought a lunch 3 out of the 5 days (but one of the days I went out, my friend payed, so I'm not counting that one), and only bought one latte. I think on average, I would spend $12 a day ($8 for lunch & $4 for latte). This of course, is a rough average - some days being much less, others being more.

So, I am shocked to learn that ON AVERAGE, I spend $60 a week on lunch & lattes. That's gross.

Savings this week: $32 saved on lunches, and $16 saves on lattes. $48 total. If I keep this up, I will save well over $2,200/year.

I feel like a 'Scotiabank: You're Richer Than You Think' commercial.

2. We are meeting with a dog trainer on Saturday, to help us with Porter's aggression towards other dogs (he escaped Warren's parent's yard last week and attacked a black lab - everyone involved is okay). The trainer says he uses the Cesar Millan (Dog Whisperer) approach, not the Brad Pattison (End Of My Leash) approach. Porter is such a sweet boy with so much potential. I look forward to him (and us) living a much less stressful existence. He's only 5 years old, so we potentially have a solid 5 to 7 years together yet, and we need to make it work. I told Porter this morning that he'd better behave, because his Probation Officer is coming tomorrow.

3. Holy Crap our house looks good! Good-bye pink shag & spice rack wall paper! The painters are almost done - just in clean up stage now. The carpet layers are installing our new berber on Sunday. We'll post some before & afters next week.

4. I'm sooooo done with pennies. And nickels too. Next time someone charges me $1.46 for a coffee, I think I might scream.

5. Warren ran out of underarm deodorant a week or so ago, and hasn't bought more. So, it's been an unspoken secret between us that he is using mine. Until this morning, when I was sitting in front of the mirror doing my make-up and Warren picked up my deodorant and began to apply. "Ahh, Dove Roll On Deodorant..." he said, "strong enough for a man, made for Warren".

BONUS
6. 7 years ago (yesterday), I was living with my mom, and we were driving into work together. In the car on the way in we heard a radio report saying 'A small plane has hit the World Trade Center in New York City'. Those two buildings are now infamous, but at the time we were both ignorant to their significance - the World Trade Center was just some NY Skyscraper to us at the time (we didn't even know it was a series of buildings).

I arrived at work, Black Media Works, and my boss Darold was sitting at his desk listening to the radio. 'Amanda, have you heard what's happened? They've hit the Pentagon! The Pentagon! We're at war!'. He filled me in and we sat for a while, listening to the news reports, then he said 'Today is no day is to do business'. And he sent me home.

I then met up with my friend Becca at the Earl's in Dalhousie, where I saw the images for the first time. The collapse played over and over and over again. I knew nothing of these buildings before that day, but I was still in shock that they were gone. It was an eerie feeling to not believe what I was seeing on the TV screens. It just wasn't possible.

Becca was thankful she lived in the country, because she was certain war was coming to all big cities, and the country would be the only safe place. It seems absurd now, but I was scared.

I remember the predictions of 50,000's dead. I remember the anger and the heroism and the love that rose from that city in the days that followed. My mom & I would be walking down center street bridge into downtown everyday to go to work, and all we could talk about was what had happened. We'd try to imagine the magnitude of those fallen buildings as if they had fallen in downtown Calgary. How many blocks would it take up? What would our skyline look like if buildings that tall were built here?

The world changed forever that day, like we've all heard a thousand times, but I am thankful it hasn't changed as much as Becca feared it would in those immediate months afterward.

I didn't intend to end this post on a downer. But living through a world changing historical tragedy is worth remembering. The topic has since inspired conspiracy theories and political hot buttons, but I prefer remembering the day as it was. A frightening, eye-opening, punch in the gut. People who want to hurt us, will. Because they have nothing to lose.

5 On Friday (X 2)

Since I missed last week's post (We were staying in the mountains, sans internet) I'm doubling up this week to redeem myself.

1) UPS pulled through this time, and my book arrived without any hassle. I love it. Warren said he wants to write something in it, before we put it away. I wonder what he'll write...

2) Warren & I (much to the chagrin of our 'babied' friends, I'm sure) are constantly comparing dogs to kids. We have first hand experience taking care of 'special needs' dogs, and zero experience with child rearing. However, based on what we read, see and hear, we are convinced the two experiences aren't as different as they first seem. We saw this first hand on our stay at the Kootenay Park Lodge last week. Here is a short summary on how we think travelling with two (large!) special needs dogs requires similar planning/compromises as traveling with children.

• 1/3 of the items packed were for the dogs (beds, crate, food, treats, water dishes, food dishes, leashes, harnesses, poop bags, toys & 140 pounds of dog).
• We had to put aside our own personal wishes for the trip (eating out, sleeping in, lingering in one spot to let it all sink in) to accommodate the dogs.
• Took turns getting up in the morning to feed the dogs, and take them for a pee walk, so that the other could have a few more minutes of sleep.
• Every morning we would attempt to plan out our day in a way that would be fun for the dogs, manageable for us, allow for appropriate drive times (to allow for dog naps in the back seat), pee breaks, as well as enough activity to thoroughly poop them out to ensure they weren't restless at night.
• Assess all hikes to make sure they complied with our dogs' unique challenges (River's missing front leg, and Porter's anxiety around unknown dogs/animals).
• Be prepared to leave/abandon an excursion before we would like, due to rain (Porter would start to shiver), steep rocky inclines (River would have difficulty coming down a trail like that with one front leg), or an abundance of other dogs being walked by their families (Porter's a psycho).
• Photo opportunities were often rushed because the dogs were antsy.
• One of us always had to be 'supervising' the dogs, whether outside on the deck or in the cabin (supervising is required because Porter is a Mofo Bad Ass).
• Clean up dog vomit off the rug (thanks Warren!) when the mountain plants that River ate didn't agree with her.
• Knowing all this, neither of us would trade them for the world.

3) As follow-up to #2 (which makes it sound like we had zero fun on our holiday), the trip was great. The highlights were the family photo we took with the handy dandy tripod & camera timer. The 4 evenings spent on the deck barbecuing dinner (chicken, salmon, smokies) with the dogs snuggled in the their beds beside us. The wine, the Brie and the dark chocolate. The Paint Pots, Marble Canyon, Juniper Trail, Morraine Lake, Lake Louise, and the cool spider we saw on our way to Dog Lake. Me walking around with the Bear Spray with my finger on the trigger (I blame Warren for my new found Sissy-ness). Battleship. Snuggling in the evenings to watch a movie on the small portable DVD player. And of course, the 6 hour long Ricky Gervais Podcast (Chimpanzee That, Monkey News!) we listened to in the car. We are such geeks.

4) Warren made me laugh until I cried a couple times on Tuesday night. First off, I'll have to admit I sometimes get snippy with him when he 'eats loudly'. If he starts chowing down - lips smaking and nose breathing and all that - I'll give him Evils (evil eyes, glaring at him) - he usually gets very self conscious when I do this and stops eating and asks 'What?'. "You're eating loud" I'll respond. This time, when I asked him to eat quietly, he started chewing REALLY slowly. Like a giraffe is slow motion. Over exaggerating every bite, like it was the most meticulous thing he had ever done, holding his breath as he did it so as not to make any breathing noises either. Mocking me and my 'eat quietly' demands. God, I'm pissing myself laughing as I write this! Maybe you had to be there.

Later on, I got a wiff of something fowl. "Eww, can you smell that?" I asked. Warren sniffed the air "Nope". "Akk. I think one of the dogs pooped or puked something!" and I got up and started searching the basement for the culprit. Then, as I returned to my seat I realised what it was. "It's your meat lasagna! It stinks like poo!". Warren threw down his fork and glared at me. "Quit saying poo! I'm eating!". I'd feel bad for him having to put up with me, but I put up with his loud eating, so I say we're even.

5) The wall paper removal has begun in preparation for the The Big Paint. Warren made sure to take some 'before' photos of each room. He took extra time to make sure the photos made our house look as terrible as possible for maximum effect. He did a great job. He made our home look like a Crack Whore House. Thanks Sweet Pea. (If I'm being honest, he probably didn't need to try very hard).

6) In order to prepare for the painters/carpet layers, we had to move all our furniture, artwork, & closet contents to our basement. Our main floor is pretty much vacant. From this moving process we filled 5 bags of clothes for the Sally Ann. Isn't that nuts? 5 bags worth of clothes that we no longer wear, that were just taking up space in our lives. On a similar note, at the cabin we watched a movie called 'Smart People'. I don't recommend the movie, but one thing I learned from it, was that in the States you get a tax receipt for donating old clothes to Good Will. I wonder how they determine the value...

7) Presley The Boxer Dog is still in the running to become 'The Greatest American Dog'. Go Presley & Travis! I still have the last episode on our PVR, where Presley flies down a zipline. I was howling with laughter when he did that and Warren came running downstairs "What's going on? Who are you talking too? What's so funny?". Boxers kick-ass, especially when they're flying through the air doing the 'Boxer Wiggle'.

8) I have stopped drinking. So, if I'm out with you at a social gathering where drinks are being served, don't expect me to have any. And don't act shocked, or look at my belly, or make any comments. This is nothing more than a personal choice I am making for personal reasons.

9) I think I might have a chewing gum addiction. I can easily go through a pack a day. I think it's the surge of juicy sweetness that I love, and when that passes I crave a new fresh piece.

10) This next year holds a lot of growth opportunities within my job, and this excites me. I expect to learn a lot this year and I feel so blessed to have a job that challenges me to expand, learn, improve and generally kick-some-creative-ass.