Two Thumbs Up For Decaf Lattes

This morning was my first doctor's appointment. It was essentially to 'confirm' my pregnancy. Warren was able to schedule around it, so he could be there too, because he's awesome that way.


It was fun seeing my doctor, who's been my family physician since I was born, smiling and congratulating me.


This was her first time ever meeting Warren, and when he walked into the room she leaned over to me and said 'You're going to have a HUGE baby'. "Or a long and slender baby" I corrected her. Because Warren is tall and skinny. Maybe she was combining his tallness with my 'full figuredness' and came to the HUGE conclusion, I don't know.


She asked about my last period and how long my cycles are, and then she started using a fancy spinning chart thing to figure out how far along I am, and when I'm due. I knew both those things already though :-)


I'm 5 weeks and a few days, due mid-January. Good times.


Then she started asking about my symptoms, and I told her I am feeling pretty good. This made her unhappy, so I told her about the initial heartburn I had, and that I'm pretty sure I'm more tired, and that I'm also convinced that I'm getting stupider by the day. These details didn't really make her any happier.


"You should be feeling very ILL!" she said. She followed that by saying some women don't get ill, but she still looked worried. "Do your boobs hurt?" she asked. "Not really. Maybe a little". This wasn't good enough for her though.


Maybe I'm underestimating my symptoms, because I was expecting the worst? Regardless, I'm only 5 weeks. I'm sure the worst has yet to come, don't you think?


We talked about where we wanted to deliver (Rockyview), and whether or not wanted the optional ultrasound that screens for birth defect risks (yes).


I asked her about what I can take for pain relief, and I was surprised to hear that early on I can still take Advil. Awesome! I was sad to hear that I can't sit in the steam room when I go swimming though, not even for 5 minutes.


Then she asked if a I drink milk. Warren gives my a hard time for how many lattes I drink, but I still announced proudly "I drink about 1 Decaf Latte a day". And she had a big grin on her face and she gave 2 BIG thumbs up. Fantastic. I will no longer feel any guilt for spending $4 on a latte a day.


Soon came the issue of weight gain, because I asked if I should be ordering my lattes with 2% instead of skim (I thought maybe the baby needed more fat or something). She said "Fat is not an issue in our society. I have never had to worry about a patient NOT gaining enough weight. You can keep drinking skim if you like". So then I asked how much I should be gaining, because I need to fit into a Bridesmaid dress in July, and the dress is already bought, and I don't want to ruin my friend's wedding by not fitting into the dress we all picked out.


She said I should only gain 5 lbs in the first 20 weeks. Shit. I could gain that easily WITHOUT being pregnant. Skim milk it is. I will be 17 weeks at the time of the wedding.


But then she said "Your boobs are gonna get HUGE though" and she started doing a 'boob mime', acting out with her hands in front of her chest how enormous my boobs will be, and making big googly eye faces to really send the message. So I pray to God my boobs don't outgrow the dress. I really don't want to be a Pornstar Bridesmaid, with cleavage and boobage squeezing out everywhere. That doesn't really say romance to most people, and that would be the ULTIMATE pornstar violation.


When it was all said & done, she gave us a big book of info and motioned to the door. "Aren't you going to test me or anything? Or are you just going to take my word for it?" I asked, surprised. "Oh no," she said, "those home test are VERY accurate."


Okey Dokey then.